If I Fell
by SilverTheo
Summary: A shy girl in Liverpool 1961 meets John Lennon and Paul McCartney on a street corner. She is drawn to both boys, and the excitement and colour they bring to her life.
1. Chapter 1

If I Fell - a John fic

I lay in my warm bed, curling my toes around the water bottle my mum had given me the previous night, and one thought was running around in my head; "I don't want to get up". It was December, and I didn't relish leaving my bed and having to get washed and dressed in the cold. However I had no choice, as I had to go to work. Scrambling out of bed I fished my housecoat off the back of my door and wrapped myself in it. I opened my bedroom door and could hear my parents already in the kitchen talking and getting breakfast. I debated whether I should wait a while as our kitchen was tiny, and it wasn't fun trying to negotiate around it. My stomach rumbled though, and that was enough. Goodness, even the staircarpet felt cold this morning! Mum was making tea as I walked in. "Tea love?" she offered. I nodded smiling and leant against the cooker. "Thanks for the water bottle last night Mum, it made a difference" I said. Mum grinned and ladled two heaped teaspoons of sugar into my tea and handed it to me. "Not a problem love, we'll all need them. This cold is a devil to keep out", she replied, nodding towards the frost on the small window. Dad stood up, finishing his toast "Aye just don't spend a fortune, Christmas is coming and it's not cheap is it?". Mum nodded and I grabbed a piece of toast as I was behind.

We lived on Beaconsfield Road in Woolton, a small terraced house but comfortable. I had to catch my bus to work from Booker Avenue which was a 10 -15 minute walk and today I was walking particularly fast to keep my feet from freezing. I always paused though at the gates of Strawberry Field, it was a Salvation Army home for orphaned kids. I just loved the gates – all elaborate swirls in red. In the grey light of December they stood out even more, injecting some colour. I hurried out of Beaconsfield Road – to get to the bus stop I had to cross Menlove Avenue into Yewtree Road which led to Booker Avenue. There was little traffic so I crossed easily. As I made my way across Menlove, I could see a young lad ahead of me, in dark gear. Well it looked dark – black drainpipes, black winkle pickers. He had a guitar over his back, and was walking – well I say walking, it was more swaggering down Yewtree Road. I walked behind him all the way and then he turned off into Mather Avenue. I walked past, glancing at him as I carried onto Booker Avenue. He cut an interesting figure I must admit. I found myself wondering what he looked like from the front!

Little did I know I would run into him again that evening. I got off at the same bus stop on Booker Avenue and started the walk up Yewtree. On the corner were two lads, they were laughing and smoking. One had his back to me as he talked to the other boy, who had enormous hazel eyes, they were quite stunning. He had a perfect mouth as well, and his hair styled in a quiff. He had a black jacket, black jumper and jeans on. "Cute!" I thought, as I got closer. He saw me, and moved out a little so he could see me, "Alright love?" he asked with a grin. This made the other lad turn, and I recognised him as the one from this morning, guitar and all. And he was lovely, I felt quite embarrassed as I slowly stopped by them. "Yes I'm fine thanks" I replied. "Paul". The boy with the big eyes offered me his hand and I shook it, reacting to his cold hand. "My goodness aren't you both freezing out here?!" I asked. Paul just smiled and motioned to his ciggie. "Not allowed to smoke at home!". I grinned back and turned to the other lad. He had a striking aqualine nose and almond shaped brown eyes. He looked down at me, with a stare that made me want to be swallowed through the pavement. "What's... your name?" I nervously asked. He blew out some smoke. "John. Who wants to know?" he said curtly. Oh God, this boy was hard work. "I'm Ellie" I said quietly. "Ellie?" asked Paul brightly. "Pretty name sweetheart!". I smiled gratefully at him, he was definitely the friendlier of the two. "Well nice to meet you both, might see you around" I said and turned and began to leave. A hand took my forearm stopping me. It was John! "No love, Macca and I will walk you. It's getting dark. Where do you live?" he asked. I told him Beaconsfield Road and the three of us began walking – myself in the middle, John and Paul either side of me. Any hopes I had of John making any more conservation seemed to dissipate, as Paul was the one who seemed interested. "Do you have any brothers and sisters?" he asked. "One of each, an older sister and a younger brother. My sister is married and lives in Hoylake." I told him. "What music are you into?" John asked quietly. I looked up at him, surprised he'd found his voice. "Erm, I like jazz, but mainly rock and roll – Elvis is fantastic!" I said. John looked down and gave me a half smile which made my stomach flutter. So that was his passion, I should have known really by the guitar.

"So you play guitar John?". He looked at me. "No it's to help my bad back!" he scoffed. Oh God. I seemed to be digging a deep hole with him. I think though he regretted his sarcasm as he then spoke again, "Yes, yes Ellie I play guitar. Feel my fingers". He held out the hand holding the cigarette and I reached out and ran my fingertip over his. They were all hard and calloused. "Yes, that's enough proof" I replied. I looked ahead of me as I walked but I could see John looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I shivered, and Paul slipped his arm through mine and began to rub it. "Cold? This'll help". Thank God for Paul I thought. John was a hard nut to crack, and ironically he was the one I wanted to know better. I heard a tut and John began to walk slightly ahead of us. "Is he alright?" I asked Paul. "He's fine, just stuck on a song we've been writing. Makes him crabby". This impressed me, Paul looked very young to be writing songs. "You and John write songs? How old are you Paul?" I asked. "I'm 20, John's 21" he replied. We caught up with John as he waited to cross Melove Avenue. "You can go home if you want John, I'll walk with Ellie" said Paul once we safely crossed. "No you're alright Paul, I don't mind a walk" said John. I half wondered why he wanted to come, he seemed really cheesed off. Paul had now taken my hands and was rubbing those warm, he was quite sweet. "How old are you Ellie?" he said as he blew sporadically on my hands. "I'm 20 as well" I answered. Before Paul could answer John shot me a question "What do you do?". I smiled at Paul and took my hands away from him, shoving them in my coat pockets. "I work in a chemist's, a dispenser. Not exciting at all but it's a wage. John nodded. He then moved closer to me. "I, well Paul AND me, we have a band, well it's mine really, the Beatles", he volunteered. I saw a change in him, a look of pride took over his face. I smiled at this. "Really? That's brilliant, do you get many gigs?" I asked. Paul looked incredulous "Have you never 'eard of us? THE Beatles! We were in Hamburg this summer, they couldn't get enough of us!". I laughed, slightly embarrassed by my lack of knowledge. "You should come and see us, what d'ya reckon John?" he asked. John nodded "Yeah, you should Ellie, you'd have fun.". My face was red from the cold already but the thought of spending more time with these boys made my stomach flutter.

As we neared my house I started to feel disappointed as our first meeting was coming to an end. John had also paused at Strawberry Field like I had this morning, and told me that he used to play in there as a young boy. It was nice to feel something in common with him. "Well this is where I live" I slowly stopped walking as we got to my house. "Thank you boys, it was kind of you to see me back", I said. Paul put his arms around me and gave me a squeeze, he smelt of hairgel, aftershave and cigarettes – not unpleasant strangely. "It was a pleasure, great to meet you Ellie." I turned to John and thinking he would never hug me I held my hand out. "Oh right, so I'm not good enough to cuddle is that it?", John smirked and put his nose in the air pretending to be offended. As he did so I approached him and wrapped my arms around his middle. I felt his hands on my back and wanted to melt. What WAS it about this boy? He then patted my head. "I know I'm gorgeous but really Ellie, what will people think?". I giggled and let him go. "Bye lads" I said as I opened my gate and waved them off. John did a goofy face and Paul simply grinned. I watched them walk down the road and John suddenly ran back to me. "Hey, we're playing in the city Friday, at the Cavern Club. It's in Mathew Street. We're on at half twelve that afternoon, will ya come?". That would be tricky, I'd be at work. "Oh John, I'm not sure I can make it as I'm working, another time". John smirked "Ah go on, bunk off! Live a little, we're worth it" and he winked at me. He had a ridiculous effect on me... "Ok, I will try. Maybe see you Friday" I replied. John grinned, and with a turn of his boot he ran back to Paul and the pair of them began whooping and yelling down Beaconsfield Road. All through dinner I couldn't get them out of my mind. As I lay in bed that night I could see them in my head standing on that corner, smoking and chuckling. They seemed to radiate some kind of aura that pulled you to them. Paul was pretty gorgeous, and he had been so friendly. John was aloof and sarcastic, yet he could turn and be sweet in an instant. I thought that Friday was going to have to be a sick day.


	2. Chapter 2

If I Fell - PaRt 2

For the next two days, I found it difficult to think of anything but John and Paul. To be honest, I couldn't pinpoint what it was about them, they were not like any boys I'd known before. Not that I knew a lot of boys, in fact I'd never had a boyfriend, not a proper one anyway. The sort you'd have in the playground when you were six years old, that you would play kiss chase with. I was quite shy in my own way, which didn't help matters! This was mainly due to boys not showing a lot of interest in me as I grew up – perhaps because I was quieter than a lot of girls. Living in Liverpool, girls were quite brash and loud – not wallflowers like I was. I had never really felt comfortable flirting, I was happier reading a book or listening to records in my bedroom. I was ridiculously inexperienced, but I had felt okay about not being with anyone. Now however, I was daydreaming about these two lads, with their black clothes, and different haircuts. They were so interesting. Particularly John, maybe because of the hard shell he'd presented – he had such a rebellious and "couldn't care less" air to him, contrasted with Paul's happy-go-lucky and warm personality. I wondered how they'd met and become mates, I was definitely going to ask this on Friday – I'd already decided that I was going to go to the Cavern Club and see them play. I couldn't wait to see them again, it made me a little uneasy that they had such a powerful effect on me, when I barely knew them.

I barely slept Thursday night for the excitement, mixed with nervousness at bunking off work – I'd never done that before. I didn't intend to make a habit of it either, but I wasn't going to miss the chance of seeing The Beatles. After trying fruitlessly to sleep I got up at seven 'o clock and surprised myself when I entered the kitchen to find I was the first up! That never happened. I brewed a pot of tea and stood looking out the kitchen window at the frost on the grass. Butterflies started in my stomach as John's face entered my head, blowing smoke out... Normally I didn't approve of smoking, but it suited John and Paul somehow. They were challenging all my perceptions of what an attractive boy was. I was awoken out of my daydream by Mum coming in the kitchen, "Oh Ellie, you ARE up early! Would you like some toast?" she asked. I shuffled away from the window and sat down at the table with my cup of tea nodding. Mum busied herself with the grill, and I watched her humming to herself. She'd been quite a honey in her youth and had had lots of boys interested in her. She hadn't suffered from the shyness I did, and I envied that. I wished that I had her confidence. "Mum... how do you know if a boy likes you, or is just being nice?" I asked. She turned around with a curious look. "Have you met someone love?". I half shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed. I didn't want to reveal anything about John and Paul, at least not yet. "Sort of, there's a lad who comes into Timothy White's, collects a prescription for his mum" I lied through my teeth. I didn't want to lie but I felt if I told her about two lads in leather jackets who smoked she'd not be too thrilled. "Well love, I always found if a boy is nice to you, he DOES like you. They don't act nice if they don't, they want you to think they're nice back", she told me. I felt a little deflated at this. Paul had been really friendly but John, who I liked a little more, had been much harder work and not seemed that bothered if I liked him. But admittedly, he had been the one who had invited me to the Cavern. "So, if a boy acts like he doesn't care much what you think of him, that means he isn't interested?" I asked, hoping for an answer that would put John back in a favourable light. Mum screwed up her nose as she buttered some toast. "Well not necessarily. It could mean he hasn't got a good opinion of himself, and doesn't think you'd like him. Or he's shy. Or he simply isn't that nice a boy. What's your lad's name?" she finished. Oh no, what do I say? "Paul" I blurted out, not really knowing why. Maybe because he'd been kinder to me. "Paul? Well maybe invite him for tea next time he comes in.". I had an image of Paul sitting in our front room, sipping from one of my mum's china cups in his leather, and had to stifle a giggle. "Maybe, thanks Mum. Better get ready for work", I said as I settled my cup down on the table.

I wanted to make sure I looked as nice as I could so I did my makeup very carefully. I decided to experiment with my eyeliner, and drew quite thick lines, my eyes seemed to pop out. I powdered my face as normal, and dug out my block mascara. I spat on it to wet the block and gingerly applied it to my lashes. Didn't like using it that much as it seemed to irritate my eyes but it did look nice, but made a mental note to buy one of the Mascara-matics I'd seen in the chemist. I finished off with a pale pink lipstick. I felt quite groomed for once, for work we weren't encouraged to wear a lot of make up. I had to rummage through my drawer for my tailcomb and backcombed my hair, then pinned it up, making sure I used plenty of Suave hairspray. Nearly choked me but I didn't want to risk my hair falling down. I decided to go wearing my work clothes, and I put my black dress, pink cardigan and black shoes in a bag – I could change in the Cavern's toilets. Mum had to go to work at the launderette and I waited to hear her leave, as I didn't want her to question what was in my bag. I slipped out 10 minutes after her, and nearly skipped to the bus stop, I was full of excitement. Walking down Yewtree Road, it suddenly dawned on me that I yet to ring in sick. "_Christ_" I thought, "_lucky_ _there's a phone box down here". _I carried onto the box and rooted around for some change, and dialled the number. A voice answered, "Hello Timothy White's, Mr Jackson speaking? ". Mr Jackson was my boss, and by all accounts a nice man. He was in his mid fifties and enjoyed telling myself and Vera, my fellow dispenser, about his time in the war. "Hello Mr

Jackson, this is Ellie, I'm afraid I won't be in today as I have a cold. I'm so sorry".I felt my heart thumping as I told this barefaced lie. Luckily he was very good about it. "Not to worry my dear, I need you to be fit as a fiddle when you work. Get plenty of rest and fluids this weekend, and try to come back next week ". I thanked him, replaced the phone and left the phonebox quickly as I saw my bus, the 76 approaching. As I got on I felt such a sense of excitement and nerves, it was quite wonderful. The bus ride itself was about 45 minutes, but I enjoyed it, it gave me chance to think of things to try and say, though I had a sinking feeling I'd make a fool of myself somehow. The bus swung into North John Street about ten to nine, I couldn't believe the street name, what a strange coincidence. Although I'd been to the city centre with my mum, I don't remember ever coming this way, it was all unfamiliar. I suddenly felt a pang of anxiety – that I was on my own here. As I got off the bus, I paused to ask the driver where Mathew Street was. He motioned back behind us "There love, that little side street, that's it ". Relief! I thanked him and made my way off the bus. I'd planned to go and window shop until about 12, then make my way back. I peered down Mathew Street, it was a twisty little street and looked very interesting. I decided to go down it and at least find the Cavern Club so I knew where it was. There were lots of tradesmen watching me as I walked down, they made me feel uneasy as they seemed quite rough. I kept my eyes on the buildings and they fell on a colourful red and yellow sign on the side of a building - "CAVERN".

There appeared to be a doorman outside already, at this hour. He was talking to a girl about my age, maybe a bit younger. She had a short brown bob, and was wearing a school uniform. "Look love, nobody gets in here before lunchtime alright, you'll just have to wait!" he said with a tone of exasperation. He readjusted his thick rimmed glasses and stood in front of the door. The girl turned away looking crestfallen, and put her school bag on the ground using it as a makeshift seat. She looked freezing, I felt very sorry for her. "Are you here to see the Beatles?", I asked as I approached her. She looked up with excitement, possbly because I used the word "Beatles". "Yeah, he won't let me in yet though, I'm bloody cold" she sniffed. I sat down on the cold ground next to her, and rubbed my hands. "Are you bunking off school to see them?" I asked with a grin. A dreamy look appeared on her face which was quite funny. "Yeah! They're amazing! I think I love George!" she cooed. George? Must be another group member I thought. "What about you?" she said. "Even worse, I'm bunking off work. First time ever" I replied. As I sat surveying the street, watching the men loading vans and standing around smoking – it struck me it was a side of Liverpool I'd not really seen before. As nervous as it made me, it excited me too. The Beatles were opening up a new world to me, and I felt quite eager to leap in.


	3. Chapter 3

If I Fell - Part 3

Over the next hour I learnt that the girl's name was Marie, she was 16 and went to Quarry Bank school in Allerton, and had seen the Beatles last month at the Cavern and had fallen in love with them. "George, I couldn't stop staring at him, he is so good looking..." Marie gushed. She leant her head back against the brick wall and I laughed as she was obviously daydreaming. It was nice though, to know I wasn't alone in being "caught" by these boys. "When he sang Do You Want to Know A Secret, he looked at me a few times, fuck I nearly fainted!". I wondered what John and Paul sounded like when they sang, I could imagine Paul having a nice voice as he spoke quite well, but John was razor sharp and nasally. Still, I was looking forward to hearing them both! Marie shivered in the bitter air and I nudged her. "Don't worry kid, we've not got long to go". I then checked my watch, it was only twenty past 10. Bloody hell. I then thought there must be somewhere that did coffee. "I'm going to see if I can get us something hot to drink" I said and got up from the cold street. My bottom was numb. Marie smiled. "That's so kind of ya. I've only got my entry money though". I shook my head and said "Don't worry, I'll get you something, we'll freeze otherwise." She nodded and I headed back up Mathew Street. I then had a thought and approached a man who was having a smoke. "Excuse me, do you know where I could get coffees from?" I asked. He looked at me, and then nodded. "Yeah, js head right out o' here, walk down til ya come to Lord Street, turn right and carry on to James Street, ya can get coffee from the machine in the station".

Following his directions I returned with two plastic cups of coffee. There was now a small blue van outside the Cavern and Marie started waving madly as she saw me. "They're here! They're here! George took his guitar inside, oh Ellie he smiled at me!", she told me. I laughed, she was so funny. I gave her her coffee and then it dawned on me that that meant they were ALL here. I sat back down as my stomach started to get butterflies again, and Marie scooted next to me sipping her coffee. "Did you see...all of them?" I asked. This was stupid, I'd been waiting for this for two days and now I was full of nerves again. "Oh yeah, John and Pete wandered off somewhere else but George and Paul are in there!" she squealed. Just as she finished speaking Paul and a leaner looking lad came out. "There's George!" whispered Marie. George was ok I suppose – he had thick eyebrows, quite good cheekbones. He and Paul headed to the van and started to carry an amplifier out when Paul noticed me and smiled. "Ellie! Hello! John didn't think you would come along!" and motioned to George to put the amp down and the duo wandered over to me and an opened mouthed Marie. "Hi Paul. I couldn't pass up the chance to hear the Beatles play" I replied. Wow, how intelligent you sound Ellie. Urgh. Paul grinned broadly and turned to George. "Ellie this is George, George this is Ellie. George is our lead guitarist." I stood up and shook his hand. I then remembered poor little Marie and looked down at her. "This is Marie, we met just this morning. She's a huge fan of you all, especially you George". Marie looked dumbfounded and smiled weakly at the two Beatles. "Are ya? That's sweet" said George and broke into a toothy smile. Paul gently touched my forearm. "You girls can't stay out here, it's freezing." Marie then told them how she asked if she could come in earlier but had been told no. George cackled "Oh that's just Mal, we've had some trouble with fans so he's extra cautious. Ya can come in though". He then offered his hand to Marie and lifted her to her feet, she looked in a daze. Paul took my hand to my surprise and led me into the club.

We went down a winding staircase. The walls were painted black and condensation trickled down them. The name "Cavern" was extremely apt! It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. We reached the bottom, and ahead of us was a small stage and to our right a little bar. The ceiling was supported by numerous arches and pillars, and littered around were several little tables and chairs, with an area for dancing in front of the stage. I looked around at this place, and then back at Paul who was smiling at me. His eyes, God they were something. "What do you think?" he asked proudly. This was definitely his kingdom. "I didn't realise you'd played in this cellar, it's amazing!" I replied. Paul nodded and started playing with the collar on his jacket. "Can I get you a drink?" he motioned to the bar behind us. I was still cold so declined as I still had my coffee. Paul asked the barman for a bottle of Coke. I watched George and Marie, he'd sat her on the edge of the stage and was showing her what I assumed to be some chords, her little face was a picture of bliss! Paul put his hand on my back. "Let's go and sit in the dressing room," and I followed him through a small corridor past the stage. He led me into a very pokey room with just a mirror, small table, rail and small sofa. I suppose that qualified it as a dressing room! "Sit yourself down" Paul told me. I sat down on the pale blue sofa, just happy to be indoors after that hour outside. He drank from his bottle of Coke and watched me intently as he did so. I began to get nervous again, as we were alone together. I tried to make conversation. "So why did John think I wouldn't come?". Paul shrugged "Oh something about you being quite prim. His words mind! He didn't believe you'd bunk off." I didn't know how to take this, but I didn't like the idea of John judging me without knowing me better. A stone settled in my stomach, all the excitement from earlier seemed to be leaving. "Prim eh? That's nice of him..." I said quietly. Paul cocked his head, and walked over and sat next to me. "That's just John, he talks before his fucking brain kicks in. I don't think you're prim." he said softly. I stared at my now cooling coffee, "Thanks Paul, you're really nice." I turned and smiled at him. He smiled back. Before I knew it he had moved over and started to kiss my neck. I froze, as I liked John, but John saw me as an uptight madam it seemed, and I couldn't help softly moaning as Paul moved down to my throat. Jesus it felt wonderful, I felt everything start to melt. Paul stopped and took my coffee from me and put it on the floor, then encased me in his arms and continued kissing my neck. He brought his face close to mine, his lashes were incredible... I wanted him to lean in, and he did. Oh my God, I'd never been kissed on the lips before. I seemed to have no control over my body, and watched my arms raise and my hands wind themselves in his soft black hair.

"Is this a private party Macca?". Paul stopped kissing me and as he moved away I saw John with another boy in the doorway. John then saw me, and his mouth opened slightly, his body stiffened. "Ellie, well well... Didn't think you'd come today" he said haughtily. I was embarrassed at being caught like this, but still stinging at him calling me prim. "Hi John, well I can't always be prim can I?" I retorted. John shot Paul a murderous look, and went back out of the room. The other boy Pete whistled. "Nice one Paul, two hours before we're due to play". I smoothed down my clothes and excused myself. I went and found the ladies toilets, wishing I had a peg on my nose. They were pretty grimy, the owner had tried to brighten them up with pink paint but it didn't work very well. I went into a cubicle and sat down on the toilet lid. Jesus Christ, why did this have to happen? If only Marie and I had stayed outside I'd never have been alone in that room with Paul. I DID like Paul, but I was more interested in John – but that prim comment had hurt a lot. Why was I prim, just because I'd said I'd be working? Maybe Mum was right, that some boys just aren't nice. I felt like I couldn't enjoy my first kiss, because John had stormed off. Sighing, I decided to try and still enjoy myself, so I got changed into my outfit, and immediately felt better, relaxed. I left the cubicle and washed my hands, looking at my reflection. Wow, my hair was still pinned up well, that was something. I pinched my cheeks a little, and went back out. George and Marie were still on the stage talking, she looked to having the time of her life. The other boy from before was at the bar drinking, but I didn't feel comfortable introducing myself. Wandering to the front of the stage, I sat down at the far right listening to George strumming. I knew a little about music from listening to Elvis records, well I knew what sounded good to me – and George appeared to make his guitar sing. His long fingers deftly changed positions and shapes almostly seemlessly, he had Marie captivated.

I heard footsteps and turned to see John and Paul coming in – maybe they'd made up I thought. I hoped so. John didn't look at me as he passed but Paul did a little thumbs up sign. For the remainder of the time before the club opened I stayed in the main room with George and Marie. I sat quietly going over what had happened, maybe Paul was just a big flirt? It was very confusing. I really hoped John wouldn't stay angry at me, stupidly I still wanted to try and get to know him. Girls and boys started to pour into the cellar at 12 once the club opened, I didn't think I'd ever seen so much make-up in my life. Nearly every girl had her face done to perfection, it made me feel pretty inadequate. Marie finally came over to me when George went backstage and flopped down on the chair next to me. We had a great spot, just in front of the stage in the middle, I started to feel excited again. "Ellie, why didn't you tell me you KNEW them? I couldn't believe it when you told George I was a fan!", Marie stopped for breath. I smirked a little "Well it did the trick! You've spent all morning with him, looks like you're getting on great!". Marie giggled, and I told her to save my place. I made my way over to the bar. It was heaving, the place wa packed for this lunchtime gig. "Can I have two bottles of Coke please?" I asked the barman. He nodded and opened two bottles. "That's 2 and 9 please love". I paid him and made my way unsteadily back to the stage. There seemed to be girls everywhere... I counted maybe 8 boys. A small man walked onto the stage and tapped the microphone. "Hey kids, welcome to the Cavern Club! For your entertainment this cold lunchtime we're proud to present our beloved boys, The Beatles!" - he stepped back and everyone including Marie and I cheered and clapped. Paul came onstage first followed by George, and the drummer Pete. John shuffled on last. Paul stepped up to the mic. "Afternoon folks! We'd like to start with something fast to get you all dancing.." and he turned and waited for John to signal he was ready. " 1 2 3 4!" screamed Paul and this noise exploded throughout the cellar. I got goosebumps listening to this fantastic sound bouncing around the walls.

"Well she was just 17

You know, what I mean.

And the way she looked, was way beyond compare...

So how could I dance with another,

Woah and I saw her standing there..."

Paul caught my eye several times throughout the song, as I jiggled about in my seat, I couldn't stop myself – they were fantastic. I looked behind me a few times and the whole cellar was full of smiling faces, we all seemed to know we'd stumbled on something special. They had something – their sound, their charisma, it was infectious. When Paul finshed the song Marie and I stood up screaming and clapping, Paul winked at us. I looked over to John but he looked beyond to the crowd behind. "And now we have our George, who has a secret..." announced John. Marie grabbed my arm "This is my favourite!" and she began swaying as George began singing.

"Listen...

Do you want to know a secret?

Do you promise not to tell?

Oh Oh Oh, closer

Let me whisper in your ear

Say the words you long to hear...

I'm in love with you...

Ooohooohooh.."

As George sang the line "I'm in love with you", my eyes automatically shifted to John, but he was looking at his frets. I felt stupid, because he had been rude about me yet I still liked him. Marie held onto my arm during the whole of George's song, letting go only to clap like a maniac as he finished. I liked George, he seemed really down to earth and nice. Once the applause had died down, Paul stepped up to the mic again, I thought he was going to be singing. "Our next song is by John, Baby It's You". Paul and George began singing together, their voices were terrific together. Once John began to sing though, I nearly fell off my chair... His voice, John's voice was like magic, it was liked being wrapped up in the softest blanket, it was just RIGHT. And he looked down at me, when he sang "It's not the way you kiss that tears me apart".

"It's not the way you smile, that touched my heart

It's not the way you kiss that tears me apart..

But oh, many many many nights go by...

I sit alone, at home and I cry over you

What can I do?

Can't help myself...

Cos baby, it's you...

His eyes wandered around the room as he sang but he kept coming back to me. I felt nervous, happy, scared, excited and downright confused. He looked straight down at me again as he sang "Don't want nobody, nobody... cos baby, it's you..." My stomach flipped as his eyes bore into mine. I couldn't work him out. Paul and George sang a couple more songs, and then John sang "Twist and Shout". As the opening bars started and he began screaming, I just lost all inhibitions... I dragged Marie up, and she and I laughed with joy as we twirled eachother around, throwing our arms up in the air, just having a wonderful time! The harmonies the three boys sang were like eating a delicious pudding – just perfect, their voices seemed fated to blend together. I looked up at John as I danced around and he smiled broadly at me whilst singing, it made me feel happy inside. They finished the song, but we didn't want them to leave, everyone just kept clapping and cheering. They waved at us all a few times and then all went backstage. I felt exhausted but happy from all the dancing and sat back down with Marie. "Oh my God, that was bloody fantastic!" I shouted to her. Marie nodded, wiping her face with her handkerchief and drinking Coke at the same time. "Actually fucking fantastic!" she laughed. I had to agree, it was one of the best times I'd ever had. To think I'd be eating my lunch on a bench outside the chemist's usually at this time! We sat catching our breath and watched as most people began to leave, although we noticed a few girls hanging about by the dressing room corridor. I felt a slight pang of jealousy.

Pete came along first, and was surrounded, he seemed to be signing autographs. I watched in shock as several girls shoved bits of paper in his jeans pockets. "What are they doing that for?" I asked Marie. "Their phone numbers, it happened last time I was here as well..." she replied. I bet that happened to all them I thought sadly. George then made his way through, but bypassed the group of girls and headed to a red faced Marie. "Hey, would you both like to get some lunch with me, I'm starving! " he laughed. Marie said yes almost instantly and stood up. I hesitated, as I wanted to talk to John before I left, before I could answer he and Paul came out of the corridor and just like Pete they were swarmed by the girls. They scribbled autographs for most, then Paul saw us and came over followed by John. "We're getting some grub then?" he asked George. George nodded "Yeah, I don't know if Ellie's coming though.". Everyone looked at me. John then smiled and said "You will won't you Ellie?". It was a real genuine smile that reached his brown eyes. I nodded, "Yes I will John", and the group of us all made our way out into the cool December air. John, then unexpectedly held his hand out. I took it. Neither of us spoke.


	4. Chapter 4

If I Fell - Part 4

The six of us trooped up Mathew Street. George and Marie were at the front, he had his arm around her shoulder whilst Pete and Paul were ahead of us talking and playing the fool, Paul kept jabbing Pete in the back to make him jump. It was a freezing day, but the winter sun shone down on the buildings of Liverpool, it looked beautiful and alive. That's how this morning had made me feel; alive. My ears were still ringing from the Cavern, and I had a slight headache but didn't really care, the music had stirred something in me, and now here I was, walking holding hands with John. He too, looked beautiful in the sunlight, as it sparkled on his auburn hair, in his brown eyes and on his leathers. He was stunning. I tickled his palm slightly and he smiled. "Casanova didn't tell you the full story earlier you know," he said finally breaking the silence. My ears perked up. "What about?" I asked, feeling a little nervous about what he might tell me. He sighed, seemingly reluctant to reveal more and soon came to a halt.

"John, we'll lose the others," I told him, pointing as they carried on without us. "It's ok, George always goes to the Jacaranda, we'll catch up...". He sounded quite solemn, a tone I hadn't heard in his voice before. In fact his whole demeanour had changed – his shoulders had dropped, and he looked at the ground. "When I told Paul I'd asked you to come and watch us, he said that he was already in there. He pissed me off, so I said you were too prim to skive off anyway and you'd not turn up," Wow, Paul had a good opinion of himself! "I'm sorry, I'm a fucking idiot. I didn't mean to upset you back there." I stood looking quite gormless. John just shuffled his feet and pretended to look around at the scenery. An elderly woman walked by us and he pulled a ridiculous face at her – she scowled and muttered under her breath which made me start laughing. "It's, it's ok John! It's forgotten," I said between giggles. "Mates?" he asked. I nodded, and we continued walking together, although John didn't offer me his hand again. I was pleased he'd apologised but, mates? What about all those looks back in the Cavern? I glanced at him, and felt a little sad. Maybe I'd gotten too caught up in today, in the atmosphere and the music. It was easy to do – these lads and their music, I could see how they could become an addiction. The way they bounced off eachother, their humour, their looks – so very appealing. And now it sounded like John just saw me as a potential new friend, nothing more. I wasn't sure how to feel all of a sudden.

Turning into Church Street, I then saw George, Marie, Paul and Pete coming back. "Jac's closed ... what now?" asked George asked they all reached us. Paul dragged on his cigarette before tossing it to the ground, "Well my dad's got stuff in at home, we could rustle up egg and chip butties?", he looked around at us all for approval and various voices agreed "Yeah nice one Paul", "Yes please I'm starving now!", "Come on then!". The boys all ran off ahead, dodging passersby, whilst Marie and I followed on behind. What a bunch of madmen they all looked. "George's asked me out!" she squeaked excitedly as we turned back into Mathew Street. "Really? He seems a nice boy," I said as I watched them lugging their instruments and equipment into the back of their van, Paul smiling at me as he jumped down after putting his bass in. I smiled back. To be honest, I was still confused about him kissing me earlier, and then acting like nothing had happened – I did feel like I was being played with slightly, especially with John revealing that Paul thought he was "in there" with me, and John himself holding my hand and in the next breath asking to be mates. Oh too many thoughts going around... "Saturday night at the Grapes, I can't wait Ellie! Ellie?" Oops! Poor Marie was still talking about George and I'd not heard any of it. Oh, sorry, think the cold's getting to me now," I rubbed my hands together, then George called us over to get in. "Where?!" I asked as we approached, seeing it was a three seater at the front. "In here with our gear!" chirped George, pointing at the open doors. He jumped in, and held his hand out to Marie who had no objections, then helped me in. It smelt musty and I tried not to trip over Pete's drumkit. "It's freezing in here!" I yelped as I sat down on the cold metal. Pete got into the driver's seat and John got in next to him, singing "Do You Want to Know A Secret" under his breath. I did love his voice, it was soft yet powerful, passionate. The van creaked as Paul then got into the back with us, easing himself next to me. "You don't mind if I sit next to you Ellie?" he asked as he pulled the doors of the van shut. "No Paul, go ahead," I was perplexed though – he could have got in the front with John and Pete and been much more comfortable, instead of cramped back here. Ha, perhaps Paul still thought he was "in there"... hmm. A thought ran about in my head, that maybe I should have some fun for once in my life, instead of always being scared. I liked John, I liked him a LOT. But if he only wanted to be mates, then why not have a bit of a flirt with Paul? He had at least kissed me, he had made me feel desirable, something I'd not felt before. I leant in and whispered in his ear "You were great today", whilst squeezing his knee. He looked down at my hand on his leg and back up, his hazel eyes big and surprised. A smile spread over his face. As we pulled out of Mathew Street, I lurched forward, and he caught me around the waist. Before today I would have politely thanked him and got out of his grip but now? I couldn't really describe how it felt but I liked Paul holding me, it made me want more.

Marie and I soon learnt that Pete, though having a steady hand for drumming, was not so steady on the road! We got thrown about vigorously as he weaved about the Liverpool roads, it was quite hair-raising. He and John sang blues ditties, it was a jolly atmosphere. Paul still had his arms encircled about my waist and to be honest I was enjoying every minute of it. Marie shot me little smiles as she and George held hands, they were so sweet! The roads soon became familiar and I noticed we'd turned into Menlove Avenue. "Oh, whereabouts do you live Paul?" I asked. "Forthlin Road, just off Mather Avenue – the street John and I were on Tuesday night. Dying for a cuppa," he revealed. A voice came from the front, "There's my house, well my Aunt Mimi's" - John pointed to a pretty semi detached house with black gates and a well kept hedge. I was surprised – I'd not pictured him living in such a nice house. "It's lovely John" I said as we passed it. Paul put his mouth near my ear "He's mainly at my house anyway, Mimi's a dragon!" he chuckled. Pete soon swung into our destination – Forthlin Road was a small street with pleasant looking terraced houses, similar to my street. I was relieved when he finally stopped – I'd been hungry before but Pete's driving had unsettled my stomach, like Paul though I was looking forward to a cup of tea. The back doors opened and Pete jumped in, and began examining his drum kit. "Never man your skins Best, what about us?" asked Paul, moving his feet as George and Marie stepped over us to climb out. "You're talking Paul, that means you're ok" said Pete dryly. I turned to see John standing at the door. "You coming?" he drawled. Paul pulled me up and as I jumped down John caught me. For a brief moment I felt the same happy feeling I'd had earlier when he'd held my hand but then my brain scolded me. "_Mates. Remember he doesn't want you, he wants to be mates!_" it shouted. "_Yes, thanks brain I know _" I thought. Paul bounded up a path - "This is me, 20". He unlocked the door and stood back "After you, girls" and motioned Marie and I to go in.

It was a nice place, to the right were the stairs, and straight ahead was the kitchen. The walls were a pale yellow, and the stairs were painted cream. An orange patterned runner went up the stairs and also along the hall. It felt clean, and homely. Paul opened a door on the left "Sitting room" he told us. George charged in first and headed straight for an armchair by the fire, he wasn't stupid! He grinned at Marie and patted his lap. She beamed and settled into the chair with him, whilst Paul turned the fire on. I looked around the room; there was the armchair George had comandeered with a television set on a stand next to it, a small table, a little sofa in front of the window, and an upright piano on the far wall. "I'm just going to have a ciggie," Pete said, and started out of the room, and I noticed John glance at me, then fumble in his jacket. "I'll join you" he called and followed him out the front door. I could see them through the net curtain lighting up, murmuring to eachother. "Right," said Paul after he'd warmed his hand in front of the coals, "Grub!". "Would you like a hand?" I asked, not wishing to be a third wheel in the George and Marie show. He nodded and led me to the kitchen, "You're in charge of the tea, cups on the hooks love" he informed me, and I set about preparing six cups. "Hold on, not frying in this, no way!" Paul said and disappeared into the hall, I watched him take his leather jacket off and hang it on the banister. "Last time I did that I had fat spatters covering it..." he moaned, and pulled an apron off the back of the door. As he tied it round himself I started laughing, I couldn't help it! "What?" he laughed with me. It was the sight of him in his tight black t-shirt and leather trousers, wearing a floral apron – the contrast was so funny. "Oh just you in that thing!" I managed to gasp, and Paul shook his head in amusement whilst lighting the stove. "Eggs... eggs" he said and scrabbled around on the shelf above him. I filled up the kettle and handed it to him, he set it next to the frying pan. As the oil began to spit, he started cracking the eggs one after another. Watching him, I decided to take the opportunity whilst we were alone.

"Paul, can I ask you a question?" I asked softly. "You can, what's up?" he replied flipping oil over the sizzling eggs.

"Why did you kiss me this morning?". There. I had managed to ask him.

His posture changed slightly, and he turned around to face me. "I'll tell you when you've buttered the bread. Half a loaf please!". He pointed at a loaf wrapped up on the table, and reached a butter dish from another shelf. "Knife?" I asked, and he prompty opened a drawer and fished one out. As I began buttering, I wondered what he was going to say. Perhaps he really was like this with every girl, and I was nothing special, just another one. Maybe he had just felt sorry for me after John's dig. I had enjoyed the closeness with him, and I wanted to experience it again.

"_What you really want Ellie is to experience it with John,_" my brain volunteered.

"Y_es, perhaps, okay yes I do. But he wants to be friends. So that's that_. _I'm tired of being a wallflower, I want to have some fun." _I mentally argued.

"_John is the one. Not Paul. John John John John John John", _retorted my brain.

"_Shut up!"._

I looked down at the bread I'd been absentmindedly butttering, I'd nearly stabbed it. Paul headed over with the pan and ladled the eggs onto each slice. "Right, my answer..." he said wiping his hands on the apron. Oh God. He pulled the apron up over his head and walked towards me. "Because..." he leaned in closer and my heart rate leapt as he moved in for a kiss once again. Oh his kisses... they were warm and sweet. Now I'd discovered kissing, I was becoming hooked, and Paul was a great teacher. He pulled away and smiled. "the way you looked, was way beyond compare". He picked up the tray of food and disappeared into the sitting room and I heard him shout "Who wants butties?!".


End file.
